Christmas List // Getting Ridiculous

Nicky, you said: "Make me a Christmas list. But don't put things on it that are ridiclous."

Babe. Do you know me at all? I only like ridiculous things. I'm doing my best to narrow it down for you, so this is my best attempt. Here's what I'd like to see under the tree this year:

A Champagne Vending Machine // First of all, split bottles of sparkling wine are genius, convenient & easy to transport. Perfect for a baseball game or a mimosa on a Monday. This one is installed at Selfridge's in London, but you could also get rid of the fridge & put this in our kitchen, that would work for me. I'll let you put a few bottles of beer in a cooler outside.

Estimated Cost: $3,000 for champagne, $5,000 for custom unit

Chickens // I've always wanted just a tiny bit of land and a couple of chickens. And babe, you freaking love scrambled eggs! And hard boiled eggs, deviled eggs, poached eggs, and fried eggs. And I love baby chicks. But more than anything, I love this super glam, bad-ass chicken coop.

This one is from the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book and really, I can't imagine anything better. It's a mini Versallies, with framed art work, a sparkling chandelier in the living room, a library & adorable shabby chic accents. My hens will be well educated & tres chic.

Estimated cost: $100,000 for coop & 10 hens

Art // When we were in the LACMOA last month, you so eloquently said (shouted) "Picasso was a FREAK." While I and other patrons of the museum beg to differ, I know that we can come to an arrangement about an investment in art. And we've been talking about getting a pet so I feel like we can hit two birds with one stone, or one elephant with two objectives.

Brad & Angie spent over £1 million on Banksy a few years back, and heck, this $60 investment is worth almost $200,000!  I feel like if we take good care of this guy, he'll totally be a good investment. Plus he looks so sad... I need to cuddle him. I'm sorry, but he's taking your spot in bed. (By the way, this is THE BEST thread EVER. "I want to buy an elephant. Where can I get one? Can I commute to work on it?")

Estimated cost: $250,000 for Banksy elephant, $12,000 annually for maintenance


Household Appliances // Babe, I don't love to cook, but I can manage. And I don't mind cleaning, but household maintenance is a must. But really, if I'm going to do either, I prefer to do things right. So please find this Louis Vuitton toaster and/or this Chanel chainsaw. I don't think they carry these toasters at Crate & Barrel. You might get lucky with the chainsaw at Home Depot.. they seem to have everything.

Estimated Cost: $1250 for toaster, $3600 for chainsaw

So let me know what works for you, boo. Or, I guess I'll find out when we open gifts on Christmas! (It's okay if you can't wrap our elephant.) Love you, Merry Christmas!